Back to the Start
by lizhowhp
Summary: An accident brings Kevin and Jason back together. Slash: Kevin/Jason, Kevin/Scotty. One-shot.


**A/N:** Posted to my livejournal account on June 2, 2009, and written for the _"Kevin/Jason, you shouldn't kiss me like this" _prompt at the _smallfandomfest_ comm.

* * *

For once in his life, especially considering the habits and rituals of all Walkers (sans Justin, of course), he's not drunk. Scotty is, but that's okay. Because Scotty's not driving, Kevin is, so it makes no sense why his car is smashed against another's, why his head is aching and Scotty's bleeding and somebody's crying and…

Kevin thinks that he may be hurt, too. His head is muddled and he can't help but to think of the most mundane, stupidest things. Like, is the iron on at home? Does he _have_ an iron? Is that how Scotty makes the best grilled cheese in the world? With an iron?

"Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God."

He snorts, because God makes him think of Jason and how Jason loves God more than anybody, even Kevin, but that's not true for Scotty. Scotty loves him more than _God_, and Kevin knows that's not a usual occurrence in people, especially people he's dated. Like Lewis, who was an atheist but still loved God more than Kevin so he cheated and then…

"Are--are you okay?"

No. Maybe. Yes. Yes, he is, because he can feel his toes and toes are brilliant appendages and Scotty has the most cutest of toes in the United States of America and Kevin really likes to kiss them but some think that that's gross so he keeps that to himself.

"Can you hear me? The ambulance is on its way, okay? Just--just hold on for another few minutes."

Ambulance? No, he doesn't need one. He's fine. He really is. He glances over at Scotty, wanting to share a laugh over this stranger's blatant panic about his perfectly fine state of being, but he's not sure _Scotty's_ in a perfectly fine state of being. Panic of his own wells up from deep inside his gut and he shakily cries out, "Scotty!"

Scotty doesn't respond and Kevin doesn't understand and _why isn't Scotty responding?_ "Scotty! Scotty! Scotty!"

"Oh, God, please calm down! Don't--don't move too much, okay? You're hurting yourself more! Sc--Scotty will be fine, okay? Jus--jus--just calm down!"

He wants to tell this interloper to calm themselves down, because yelling never helps matters and their voice keeps shaking and repeating and they're obviously in shock, but he's too busy repeating Scotty's name to say anything else. "Scotty! Scotty! Scotty!"

The _whir-whir-whir_ sound of an ambulance invades his hearing and makes his head hurt even more. His world is turning black and he hates it more than anything because he needs to make Scotty wake up and he can't do that asleep and Scotty really needs to wake up because he's scared and Scotty always makes things better and his head hurts.

Kevin passes out as the sirens finally reach the scene of the crash. The stranger backs away and Kevin's last conscious thought is that he hopes the person gets some medication to deal with their shock.

* * *

The world comes into focus very slowly.

He's aware of the muted sounds of a radio or a television or something in that vein. They're talking about airplanes, he thinks, of one crashing, and he hazily wonders if the airplane landed on top of him, causing the intense numbness he's currently feeling.

Next, Kevin feels fingers delicately stroking his arm, soft and absent, the motion so familiar it's probably secondary by now. It's comforting. He feels the cool metal of a ring, the miniscule scratch of its stone, and thinks it's his mother's hand that's stroking him.

He tries to open his eyes to confirm his hypothesis, but his eyelids are too heavy. After what seems hours' worth of struggling, he manages to turn his eyes into little slits, and the world's a blurry mess of white and blue and gray.

The next logical step is to get the intention of the person sitting at his bedside. He can't clearly make out his mother's features or even where her neck becomes her chin, but he can easily recognize the slight frame, the mass of graying hair. "Mah," he rasps. His voice is hoarse and hurts his ears, but he's too proud of his nearly Herculean effort to stop talking. "Ma--mm."

"Kevin?" the voice is infinitely louder than his own. It's more enthusiastic and feminine than his own. It's definitely Nora Walker, no if's, and's or but's. "Oh, Kevin, thank God!"

The mention of God nags at a corner of his brain, but he has no idea of its significance.

"Mom," he finally says, finding it easier to control himself as the seconds tick by. "Wha' happ'nd? 'M I in a hospital?"

"Yeah, Kevin. There was an accident, sweetie. Your car was hit." She pauses, seemingly unsure. "You don't remember?"

He tries to think, but he's getting sleepy again and he really just can't. "No."

She's silent, which may be a first. He wishes the rest of the family were here to witness it. The thought of family, though, brings Scotty to his mind and he questions, "Was Scotty in the car?"

He falls asleep before she can answer.

* * *

"Hey, Kev? You waking up, man?"

Justin. He can recognize that stoner-esque lilt stoned himself. Breathing out, shifting uncomfortably in what is undeniably an unfamiliar bed, he murmurs, "Yeah."

"Good. That's really good."

He blinks his eyes open as recent events--albeit hazy and unjointed--play in his head. "There was an accident."

"Yeah, there was. You were hurt, but not too bad. You'll be fine, okay? I promise."

"'Kay. But--but Scotty… He was hurt, too, wasn't he? I remember--" He stops, because what he remembers is horrific. Scotty hadn't been recognizable underneath the blood and swelling and he thinks he remembers an arm bone poking out of flesh and-- It's getting hard to breathe.

"Kevin! Kevin, look at me." Justin grips a shoulder and leans bodily onto Kevin's chest, anchoring him to the present. "You have to calm down, okay? Breathe."

He does as he's ordered. He feels a little less shaky, a little less unbalanced, but he still feels like he's going to break out into sobs at any moment. "Where's Scotty, Justin? He's not--"

"No! No, Kevin, he's not dead."

The doom lifts itself off his chest, but he hears the unspoken words and dread still swirls around in his stomach. "But he's hurt, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he is."

"Bad."

"Yeah."

"Oh."

* * *

Kevin's given a bill of health pretty quickly. Not healthy enough to warrant a release from the hospital, not for two days at the very least, but the brain swelling's gone and he's functioning normal now. The doctors are just dealing with ugly but superficial wounds and a fleeting worry of aftereffects.

He has Justin take him to Scotty's floor (in a wheel chair, though, because hospitals, he's quickly learned, don't care a bit for self-dignity), and he's shamed to admit, even to himself, how terrified he is to see his husband.

"Okay, Kevin," Justin says softly as they move down the hall. "I'm gonna give you some time alone. I'll be outside the room, though, just in case you need me."

"Thanks," he whispers, eyes wide and hands shaking. He's suddenly irrevocably thankful for the wheelchair and his younger brother's unwavering assistance.

They slow down as they get to the room Kevin knows is Scotty's. Justin takes a breath, steeling himself as if he was the one going in to see his loved one bodily broken, and explains, "He's a mess, Kev. Just try to prepare yourself, okay? Remember that he's alive and that's all that matters."

Kevin doesn't respond, so Justin slowly enters them into the room.

Scotty doesn't look like Scotty. His smile is gone, the twinkle in his eyes, the joyous aura, and it's all replaced by a bruised face, battered to the point of being just barely on the right side of recognizable, and a thick tube is coming out of his mouth, eventually ending at a machine. Kevin can't focus on anything else, can't take stock of any other injuries.

He starts to hyperventilate.

Justin promptly takes him from the room.

* * *

He ends up in Scotty's room again the next day, Justin still in tow.

This time, however, Justin makes a point to pull a chair next to Kevin and point out each of Scotty's injuries in laymen's terms.

"The tube's probably scaring you the most. It shouldn't, Kev, it's just helping him breathe. It's not like it's life support or anything. He's just having problems inhaling, that's all. It'll come out eventually, once he's healed a bit more.

"And his face is so bruised because his nose is broken. Remember when Kitty socked Tommy that one time and broke his nose? Remember how ugly he was for a while? That's what most of the discoloration and swelling on Scotty's face is from. There're some lacerations, too, but they're all pretty superficial.

"His right arm is so gross because it broke really bad in a few places. The doctors put in a few screws and rods to make sure it aligned properly. He'll be able to use it once it heals, after some rehab."

Justin takes a deep breath before continuing, "He broke his leg, too, but that was actually a pretty simple break. The doctors slapped a cast on it and he'll be fine."

"That--that doesn't sound as bad as I thought," Kevin timidly announces, smiling a bit as he looks at Scotty.

He doesn't notice Justin's guilty squirm as he reaches out to take hold of Scotty's unhindered hand.

* * *

It's a half hour before he's set to be released that Kevin finally understands the severity of Scotty's injuries. All of what Justin had calmly explained to him had been true, but in the interest of keeping his older brother from another panic attack, Justin hadn't mentioned the internal injuries Scotty had faced, internal injuries everyone had believed to be dealt with and on their way to healing.

It takes Scotty nearly dying before a doctor finally gets around to telling him about collapsed lungs and internal hemorrhaging and a few other things Kevin wishes he's never had a reason to hear of.

He's not mad at Justin, doesn't really have it in him, but it does pass through his head that there's probably some legal witchery he can bring down upon the hospital for neglecting to tell him something about his legal spouse. He doesn't really pursue the idea, doesn't care as long as the doctors just fix Scotty.

He's officially released from the hospital but he doesn't leave.

* * *

It's not a surprise when Robert shows up. He brings food and humor and condolences and doesn't mention the campaign Kevin needs to be working on. He comes without Kitty and Kevin appreciates that Robert still views him as family, even if he's in limbo with Kevin's sister.

It is, however, a surprise when Jason arrives.

"Kevin," he greets solemnly. For how serious he is, for how aware of the situation, he still manages a slight smile. Kevin hates him for it.

"What are you doing here?" He knows he's being rude and more than bitchy, but Scotty may die and he's allowed to be a raging dick.

"Robert told me about what's going on and I thought you may need--"

"I don't need God," he spits out, interrupting Jason before he can spew the bullshit nonsense he's prone to. He doesn't have tolerance for it anymore. He's too bitter for God and faith.

"A friend. I thought you might need a friend."

Maybe he does. Jason's not that friend, Kevin's certain. He can't sit next to an ex while worried about his husband. He can't sit next to a man knowing that if things had just been slightly different, just by _one_ call, he may have never even _had_ a husband to worry over.

"I don't need a friend," he corrects with the same vitriol as before.

Jason nods, understanding. "A meal, though--you could probably do with one of those, huh? I'll be back in twenty minutes."

He turns and leaves before Kevin can shoot him down again.

* * *

Jason never leaves. It's surprising, especially considering Saul has even managed to peel the infamous Nora Walker away from the waiting room for an extended amount of time.

Kevin mostly feels ire when he looks at the handsome man. He feels a continuous urge to question Jason about God, and where was He when Scotty's side of the car was being rammed into or when Scotty went into cardiac arrest or when Scotty needed yet another blood transfusion. He doesn't, though, because that would mean talking to Jason and he can't bring himself to do that.

Other times, when he's feeling only slightly more amiable, he wants to ask Jason where he's been, but he doesn't, because he's too old to be playing _Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?_.

It occurs to him, after a week of sitting in the hospital next to the youngest McCallister, that he's still irrationally upset over their breakup. And, after another hour or two of serious thinking, he realizes that he's feeling guilty for feeling that way, because Scotty is fighting for his life and needs his husband now more than he ever has before.

* * *

"Kevin."

He turns his head away from the nagging voice, sleep still clutching at him with a heavy handed grip.

"Kevin, wake up. It's Scotty, Kevin."

His eyes open and he looks into Jason's anxious face. He manages to croak out a few words as he pushes himself up into a sitting position, "What d'you mean?"

"The doctor wants to talk to you himself out in the hall. He'll be back in a few minutes, he said…" Jason trails off, and Kevin knows the doctor's spilled his guts to the unassuming minister.

"Just tell me, Jason. Please." It's the most civil, most human, he's been to Jason during this whole period; it comes easily when he's not focused on being an ass.

There is one other couple in the waiting room, a familiar set of faces that Kevin's seen three times in the last two days, and he wishes he had been in Scotty's room, not in the slightly more comfortable room just for the sake of catching a nap in a plush chair.

"Jason," he pleads. "Please."

"The doctor said there's been another complication. He said that, um, Scotty's not reacting well to something and that he--"

"Crashed again?" Kevin supplies, panicked. He jumps out of his chair and moves into the hall, looking around the barren corridor for the too familiar head of snow white hair.

Jason lies a hand on the small of Kevin's back and says, "Dr. Roth said he'll be back soon, Kevin."

Dr. Roth comes back in less than a minute. There's no blood on him, no spare bits of guts or anything so gruesome, but Kevin sees the perspiration on his forehead and knows that Scotty's still heading down a rocky path.

His confirmations are quickly confirmed and he can't help but to sob into the crook of Jason's neck.

* * *

His annoyance with Jason's presence quickly diminishes until it turns into welcome.

Kevin feels scared. He feels worried. He feels anxious. He feels guilty. He feels helpless. He feels too much.

* * *

It's him who initiates the kiss while they stand in a near empty cafeteria as the Wandells watch over their son.

It's nearing two weeks since the accident. His skin is practically mar free. The couple who haunted the waiting room with him--the Joneses--never come back after their son dies. Scotty still hasn't gained consciousness.

Kevin's hope is failing and he has no more faith.

Jason doesn't kiss back. He murmurs, "You shouldn't kiss me like this."

For the first time since he's come to the hospital to sit with Kevin, Jason gets up and leaves without a goodbye and a promise to come back later.

The world's more lonely.

The guilt gets heavier.

Kevin knows he'll die if Scotty does.

* * *

Kevin kisses Jason again, the next day when Jason quietly comes back. He does it in the hallway, right outside of Scotty's room.

Jason kisses him back, and Kevin feels so much better.

* * *

He leans down and kisses familiar lips. They don't kiss back, haven't for too many days, but Kevin smiles against them.

"Come on, Sleeping Beauty," he teases.

There's no returning quip, but he can hear an echo in his head of what might be said ("Really, Kevin, do we have to lower our selves to stereotypes just because I'm unwilling to go into a closet for anything other than a pair of knock-off Gucci's?") and it makes him laugh.

He hope he sounds sane to any onlookers.

* * *

There's no stirring in his groin, no hint of oncoming arousal, and that lessens Kevin's shame considerably.

He never kisses anywhere but Jason's lips, never moves down to his sensitive neck, and never puts his hands anywhere inappropriate. Jason follows suit and always keeps things as chaste as a tongue in a married man's mouth can be.

Scotty doesn't worsen anymore, and the tube gets taken out of his throat, but Kevin doesn't dare to hope. He knows what it's like to be rushed out of a hospital room, knows the sinking feeling.

He lightly pushes Jason up against a concrete wall near the parking garage. He's supposed to be walking Jason to his car--or that's what he's told his mother, at least--but the beckoning call of a moment of peace is too much to ignore.

Kevin tightens his grip on Jason's hips and tilts his head. The kiss is messy and rough.

"You should go back in," Jason suddenly interrupts, pulling his head away from Kevin's as much as the wall behind him will allow. The guilt is written all over his face, especially in his too wide eyes.

Kevin takes a step back and lets Jason move past him. It pains him knowing he's hurting two men--one who's willingly perverting his normally staunch morals, the other unknowing of the betrayal that awaits him if he ever wakes.

Not for the first time he wishes he was in Scotty's place.

* * *

"Oh, Scotty, I wish you'd wake up."

Kevin grips the coffee as he hears his mother talk. He's standing outside Scotty's room, straight from one of the vile but welcomed vending machines, and he's curious about what his mother will say when supposedly unobserved to one of her adopted children.

"Not just because I miss your almond dumplings, or because Kevin's a right wreck without you--which he is, don't mistake me--but I miss _you_, Scotty. Never doubt how much a life or death experience can make you appreciate just how much you value someone. I miss your smile, Scotty, and your zest. God, if just one of the Walkers had the zeal for life you do…"

She sniffles. Kevin decides to give her a moment before he walks in.

"Y'know, the rec'pe's at the 'par'ment."

At the sound of the rough voice, a voice _definitely_ not Nora's, Kevin drops the lukewarm cup and sprints into the room.

* * *

Kevin doesn't leave Scotty's bedside for hours.

Scotty's not quite complete coherent, but everybody's confident that he's fine and that he'll continue to be fine. Kevin feels light and giddy.

Once in a while Scotty'll blearily blink his eyes open, glance at his husband and groan, in a voice heavy with unuse, "Have you even peed yet, Kev?"

They haven't had any long conversations or anything of the like yet, but Kevin feels as if he's been having long, intellectual talks with Scotty. After a lot of nothing, he supposes, a little of something can go a long way.

It's near ten that he notices Jason glance in and, with a sinking feeling, remembers what he's been doing with the man.

Jason, ever the gentlemen, doesn't make a fuss. He quietly steps in the room and says, "I heard he woke up. I'm so happy for you both. But, um, I have to leave. I'm going back to Malaysia. Bye, Kevin."

Kevin watches as Jason leaves, a plethora of unnamed feelings coursing through his veins.

He has no doubt that the trip to Malaysia's a lie, that Jason's unobtrusively untangling himself from Kevin's life. He knows that Jason's giving him an out, an unsaid promise to never tell Scotty anything, to never even _see _Scotty or Kevin again.

He wishes he could appreciate it.

Kevin looks at Scotty, watches as his chest rises and falls, takes note of the face that resembles his Scotty once again, and knows that, at some point, he'll tell Scotty everything.

* * *

The next day, however, Scotty startles him by asking, "Where'd Jason go?"

Kevin freezes, a cup of water tenuously dangling in his rapidly loosening grip. "What?"

"Y'know, Jason? Tall, handsome--not to mention the only gay minister I know. Nora told me he was here with you, supporting you. I figured he'd say 'hello' or a 'good to see you're not dead' to me."

The look in Scotty's eyes is sharp and knowing but not unkind. He looks down quickly, at the blue throw that's laying over his too thin frame, and then back up into Kevin's anxious eyes. "Did you sleep with him?"

Saliva sticks in his throat as he tries to even _think_. The world feels like it's crashing in on him. If Scotty leaves him-- If he has gone through hell just to ruin it all, to just watch Scotty leave him--

"Calm down, Kevin," Scotty urges, a small smile on his face. He reaches out with his strong arm and grasps Kevin's clammy hand in his. "I understand, okay?"

"You-- I'm sorry, you _what_?" Kevin sits straighter, feeling disgust at Scotty's supposed understanding. Forgetting to mention that he hadn't slept with Jason, too caught up with his annoyance, he says, "Scotty, please don't think something as stupid as that I'm allowed to sleep with someone just because you're out of commission. I mean, you could be a fucking nun and I'd still love you and want to--"

"Kevin! First of all, _nun_? Do I really have to yell at you for not using the gender appropriate term?" He smiles, laughing a bit. It looks uncomfortable, considering how stiff he is. "I mean, if it had been you in my place, if I had to watch you almost die, I know I'd be more than a wreck. I'd--I'd look for comfort wherever I could find it. And that's all it was, right? Comfort. Because if you _have_ been harboring lust for Jason McCallister since we've--"

"No! No!" he interrupts. He's astounded with the conversation, and he can't help but to correct Scotty. "I never slept with him. Well, I mean recently, not since we've been married, not since we've been together. I--I kissed him, more than a few times, but it never went further than that. Never."

An eyebrow raised, Scotty smiles and admits, "Well, that's a lot better than I expected. But I seriously wouldn't have done anything dramatic if you had."

They sit in silence for five minutes.

Kevin can't quite claim to understand Scotty. His mind keeps jumping back to that first date, their first family gathering where they'd had a discussion on monogamy at his mother's house.

"Does this mean," he starts, only half-serious, "that if I ever go into a coma you'd shack up with the nearest warm body?"

"If he was as hot as the littlest McCallister… But, Kevin, I don't mean just shacking up with someone, I meant that I understand you must've been going through hell, and I don't begrudge a few moments of relief."

He moves over and kisses Scotty, mindful of the aches in his husband's body. "You're the most amazing person I've ever met, Scotty Wandell."

"I know," he replies, a hand on the side of Kevin's face. "But I'm awake and well now, so let's just keep this a twosome, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"And tell Jason he really doesn't have to run to another continent just because he's scared of me."

"I can do that."

"Good. Now let me go back to sleep. You have no idea how wearing you Walkers are."

Scotty falls asleep quickly. Talking wears him out, and, knowing Scotty, Kevin quickly realizes that Scotty'll be worn out a lot.

He places another kiss on Scotty's slack lips, mindful of how much he appreciates them, especially when faced with Jason's substitute kisses.

He vows to call Jason in the morning before leaning back in the uncomfortable plastic chair. Kevin watches his partner sleep, comfortable now that he was a guarantee that Scotty will eventually wake up.

**The End**


End file.
